Pokemon Uncut
by a crazy hobo
Summary: The most inappropriate story in the Pokemon section. Living up to its name, Ash and Gary set off as partners on their journey to become Pokemon masters. Masters with no regard to rules or morals. Who knew drugs and sex could be this fun?
1. Rude Awakening

Chapter 1: Rude Awakening  
  
One morning in a small town named pellet- I mean Pallet Town, there is a young ass who wants to cause great explosions and score 24 hours-a-day. His name is ass- I mean Ash Ketchup- God Damn it, Ash Ketchum.  
  
In the background a rooster crows. Ash quickly jumps out of bed in a panic.  
  
"FIRE, FIRE! STOP-DROP-ROLL-STOP-DROP-ROLL," screamed ash. "Ah what the Hell? That goddamn rooster!" (Pulls out an AK-47) "HA!" yells Ash shooting the bird. "HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, YOU STUPID COCK?! Bitch! Wake that up in the morning!"  
  
Ash looks at the clock. ". . . . oh, shit I'm late," says Ash. "Ash! Get down here now!" called a feminine, very angry voice. Ash stared at the wall for five minutes, and then said, "Fuck."  
  
Ash got up, hid all evidence of an AK (even though he didn't think it'd do much good, what with AK shells and a bloody puddle that was once his mom's prize rooster). He then took a bag of crack and slipped it into his pocket. If his mom was gonna have him arrested, he at least wanted to be stoned while in jail.  
  
"What is it mom?" Ash asked innocently once he had gone downstairs. "Did you shoot my rooster?" she demanded.  
  
Ash reasoned with himself for a moment. If he lied to his mom, she'd probably cut his head off and stick it on the top of the nearest windmill, but if he told it up straight . . . he could probably get away with a simple gunshot to the head.  
  
"Um . . . yeah," Ash mumbled. "Why?" she asked. "Well, the stupid bastard woke me up for the fifth time in a row!" shouted Ash indignantly. "Don't swear!" his mom snapped. "Well it's hard not to since I haven't scored in a month!" said Ash. "Yeah . . . I can understand that," said his mom. "Anyway, As far as shooting the rooster . . ." "I'm sorry," said Ash, inwardly grinning at the memory of the bird squawking in fright as he saw the muzzle of Ash's AK. "Don't be," said his mom. "I was about ready to steal your AK and shoot it myself. It wouldn't fertilize the damn eggs. I need more hens." Ash breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks mom." He looked at his watch. "Fuck! I'm late!" "Don't . . . "started his mom, until she looked at the clock. "Oh fuck! You're late!" Ash stared at his mom; he didn't know her to swear so violently, and then said frantically, "I don't have any clothes packed! And I'm not showing up to Oak's lab in my Playboy pajamas." "Ah, shut the fuck up and get your ass to Maple's!" "Uh, it's Oak," said Ash. "Didn't I just tell you to shut the fuck up and get your ass outta here!" yelled his mom, beatin' his ass with a wooden spoon. "And don't leave your crack lying around!"  
  
Ash grabbed the bag that his mom had prepared for him, kissed her, and ran out the door. On the way, he passed Mr. Mime, who held out his gloved hand expectantly. Ash sighed, and drew out the bag of crack. Ash gave Mr. Mime a few pinches, who promptly drew out some joint paper, rolled it up, and began to smoke. The then proceeded to whack the shit out of Ash's mom's rose bushes, singing "Born to be Wild".  
  
Ash laughed and shook his head as he ran down the road to Professor Oak's lab. He could sit for hours and watch his mom's high Mr. Mime go whack little kids in the ass with his umbrella. It was even better when it tried to imitate Mary Poppins, and wind up face-first in an alleyway garbage can.  
  
Ash finally reached the lab, where he saw Gary walking out, smoking a joint. His cheerleaders, finally in at least a bra, were tailing him, feeling his hair and other certain parts of Gary's anatomy.  
  
"You bro," said Gary, clasping Ash's hand. "You ready to start our journey? It comes with free whores." "Sweet," said Ash, rolling up a joint himself and lighting it. At this point one of the cheerleaders walked over and began massaging his chest. "Oh, bad news Ash, my man," said Gary. "All the Poke'mon are taken. I managed to get the last one he had: a Squirtle, but it looks like you're outta luck." "FUCK!" shouted Ash. "He's got to have a decent Poke'mon left. He's got to!" "Go check yourself," said Gary.  
  
Ash ran into the lab, banging the double doors open as he skidded to a halt in front of the sleeping Professor Oak.  
  
"Professor!" said Ash. "Are you out of Poke'mon?" "I didn't do it," said Oak, jerking out of his doze. "Oh Ash. No, I'm not out of Poke'mon, just the cool ones." "Well, right now, I don't care, I just need a Poke'mon." "Suit yourself," said Oak, drawing a Poke'ball from his pocket and handing it to Ash. "Sweet," said Ash, jerking into a daydream.  
  
Ash was sitting in a reclining chair on some beach, massaging one of the cheerleader's boobs, and smoking.  
  
"Slave!" he shouted. "Bring me the Kool-Aid!"  
  
A Poke'mon in chains walked up to him, passing a pitcher shaped like a monkey to Ash, which he chugged.  
  
"Ash. Ash! ASH!!!" "Ho, what? My bad, just thinking about my future," said Ash. "Check it out," said the Professor good-naturedly.  
  
Ash opened the Poke'ball. It began to glow, and then it opened in a shower of white light. And a Poke'mon appeared. Ash was amazed, excited, and pissed off all at the same time. It was . . . 


	2. The Start of a new Journey of Things Rat...

Chapter 2: The start of a Journey of Things Rated R  
  
"Pikachu?!" shouted Ash. "I get a rat Poke'mon? The same rats that I kill in my basement?" "Yep," said Oak. "But this one seems exceptionally powerful." "Screw it, it's still looks like a Poke-whore to me," said Ash.  
Ash looked at the Pikachu. It glared up at him, and raised it's left paw. It then lowered all it's little fingers, except for the middle one.  
  
Ash grinned. "I like him," said Ash. "Thanks Oak. We'll be going now." "Bu-bye now," said Oak lighting up his bong.  
  
Ash walked out the door, and went outside to find Gary with his hands up the skirt of two cheerleaders. Ash shook his head and turned to his Pikachu.  
  
"I like you," he said to it. "But if you ever flip me off again, I'll slice that tail off and use it for bait. You got it?" Pikachu nodded and then flipped him off again. "You're gonna find yourself without that damn finger unless you flip off people who get in my way!" shouted Ash. "If you be a good boy, I'll give you some crack."  
  
Pikachu looked at him quizzically, but then turned around to face Gary, and flipped him off too.  
  
"He's cool man!" said Gary enthusiastically. "I wonder If Squirtle will do that."  
  
He took out a Poke'ball, and released Squirtle. Squirtle emerged from its Poke'ball, and promptly looked at Pikachu (who flipped it off). Squirtle ignored this, but walked up to the nearest cheerleader and looked up under her skirt. He then turned around to Gary and gave him a double- thumbs up.  
  
"This is some goooood shit," said Gary gleefully. "Dammit, I want a perverted Poke'mon! Oh well. At least mine hates everything." Pikachu then turned around and flipped Ash off. "You know, I'm starting to like you more and more." Pikachu smiled and nodded, and then turned around and flipped off a passing old lady, who was staring at them. "Come on, Gary, let's hit the road!" said Ash. "An excellent idea, my good friend," said Gary.  
  
Ash, Gary, Pikachu (flipping off the car), and Squirtle (trying to jump on a cheerleader) all got into Gary's shiny blue Ferrari. They started the engine, and the car, with flames coming out of its tailpipes, sped down the road out of town, mowing over the wild grass, sending Ratatta and Pidgey flying. Gary screeched to a halt, and he and Ash piled out of the car, with Pikachu flipping off a trainer nearby. Squirtle hung back, trying his best to find a way into the nearest cheerleader's bra.  
  
"This is as good a place as any to terrify wild Poke'mon into being ours," said Gary. "Yeah, I see a Pidgey right over there trying to shit on a berry bush," said Ash. "I call dibs on that one. Here! Pikachu!"  
  
Ash tossed a bong at Pikachu, who promptly sparked it on fire and threw it at the Pidgey. Pidgey, smelling the smoke coming off the bong, soon swiveled on the spot and fell to the ground twitching. Ash then threw a Poke'ball at the Pidgey, who disappeared into the ball. It didn't put up a fight; it was busy pecking itself.  
  
"Hell yeah! I caught a Pidgey! With a bong! Go Pikachu!" shouted Ash. "Pikachu, you're the best." Pikachu smiled up at Ash, and then pounced on him and stole his bag of crack. "You ass!" shouted Ash, but the Pikachu just flipped him off, rolled up and lit a bong, and then tossed the rest of the crack back at Ash. Pikachu then threw the bong to Gary, who chucked at a male Nidoran, who imitated Pidgey. Gary then caught him with ease. "Thanks, bong-master!" said Gary. "You're the best with this shit! And you don't even smoke it! Ash, you got the best Poke'mon!" "Daazright!" said Ash proudly, waving at Pikachu. But it just flipped him off. "I guess it's your way of saying thanks, eh?" Pikachu nodded, while it flipped him off again. "Let's go!" shouted Gary. "We got what we came for. Let's press onto Viridian City. I'm hungry, and we need some more crack. I have the feeling that we can catch anything as long as we have Pikachu." "Yeah, and your Squirtle can track down the hottest bitches in town," said Ash. "We're the best!"  
  
Ash, Gary, Squirtle (who was trying its best to hit on the lady next to them) and Pikachu (who flipped off the cafeteria lady) were just getting some hot soup for dinner at a rest stop along the road. They were tired and were resting their stoned Poke'mon at the healing station nearby. They went and sat down at the nearest booth and began to eat (Pikachu flipped off his soup before slurping it).  
  
"Ah, this is the life," said Gary. "You said it," said Ash. Then, one of the cheerleaders came in and bent down to Squirtle. "How's your soup?" she asked. Squirtle showed her the OK sign and then flicked her right tit. She smiled and walked away.  
  
"You gotta knock that off," said Ash. "Hey shut the fuck up, my Squirtle's got a right mind," said Gary. Pikachu then flipped off both Gary and Squirtle. "Pikachu has made his vote, and he agrees with me," said Ash. He was proved wrong, however, when Pikachu flipped him off with both paws. "Famous last words, you sorry bastard!" said Gary, finishing his soup.  
  
Pikachu had been too busy warming up its middle fingers; it hadn't even started on its soup. It reached over the table and grabbed the bottle of Tabasco. Dumping a bit of the soup on Squirtle's head, Pikachu made up for the lost soup by filling it to that level with Tabasco. It then drank, that's right, drank the soup.  
  
"I think I'm in love," said Ash. "Fag," said Gary. Pikachu flipped Ash off. "Let's go," said Ash. "We've got to get to Viridian soon, I have to meet my contact. He has a fresh shipment of crack."  
  
Pikachu lit up at these words, and led the rest of the group to the car, where they found the cheerleaders surrounded by guys, all drooling over them.  
  
Squirtle, red in the face and furious, charged to the front of the group, and then spoke.  
  
"Hey screw off, these are my bitches," it shouted, using Water Gun on each of the boys. They were sent flying into nearby trees. "WHOA!" said Gary. "That's the illest shit I've ever seen, son! My Squirtle can talk! Best that, Pikachu!" "Fuck you, man-whore! I can talk too!" shouted Pikachu.  
  
Ash and Gary both looked at each other, wide grins across each of their faces, and then they looked at their Poke'mon.  
  
"FUCK YES!!!" Then Pikachu shouted, "THIS CALLS FOR BEER!!!!" 


	3. Ten Cheerleaders In One Body: Misty

Chapter 3: Ten Cheerleaders in One body: Misty  
  
After getting insanely drunk from all the beers, our . . . . heroes . . . . yeah, heroes got back into the car and continued with driving, flipping everything off, and squeezing tits.  
  
Somewhere just before Viridian City, and after they had just passed a scenic waterfall, and after Squirtle had nearly passed out from all the Budweiser it had gone through (beer is good for Poke'mon, but leaves the same effects), luck really turned their way (except for the cheerleaders).  
  
"Yo, Gary how long till we get to-"said Ash being cut off. "Ah, shit!' yelled Gary. "We just ran over a bike!"  
  
"Ah! My bike!" yelled a girl's voice, coming from the river.  
  
Everyone turned to see who it was. "HOLY SHIT! SHE'S BARE ASSED AND BEAUTIFUL!" screamed Squirtle. Gary and Ash took off their sunglasses and looked and the naked woman walking towards their car.  
  
"Daaaaaamn, I think I just struck gold," said Ash. Gary just whistled between his teeth, his shades down at the tip of his nose. "Mm, mmm, goooood," said Squirtle, licking his lips. "EEW, get some clothes on!" said a cheerleader, stepping on Pikachu's tail.  
  
Pikachu turned toward the cheerleader, and flipped her off, while waving good bye. All the cheerleaders went flying off into the distance after Pikachu used Thunder.  
  
"All my whores are gone!" said Gary and his Squirtle in unison. "Screw your whores, we got 10 of them in that naked whore," said Ash. "I do screw my whores," said Gary simply. "Yeah, me too," added Squirtle. "Dream on, shell-head," said Pikachu. "You'll pay for what you did to my bike!" shouted the girl. "And for calling me a whore." "My bad," said Ash. "Is prostitute better?" The girl looked furious now. "Yo! What's your name?" asked Gary. "It's Misty," said the girl.  
  
Pikachu looked at Misty and double-flipped her off.  
  
"Damnit you little shit-head! Don't flip a naked goddess off!" screamed Ash.  
  
Pikachu, again turned around, flipped off Ash, but waved good bye too.  
  
"OH . . . . SHIT!" yelled Ash. "RUN BITCH . . . RUUUN!" yelled Gary, and Squirtle running to hide behind a boulder (Squirtle hid behind Misty and checked out her ass).  
  
Meanwhile, Ash was stumbling out of the car while Pikachu had another Thunder charged and was chasing Ash. As Ash was trying to run, he tripped over the bike and Pikachu nailed him right in the spine, paralyzing him.  
  
"Damn," muttered Ash. "Now I'm gonna be bitch-slapped by the bitch."  
  
Pikachu nodded, and flipped off Ash again for good measure, and to show that he had won. Gary crawled out of his hiding place, and Squirtle was thrown into a tree by Misty.  
  
"What did you do to her?" asked Gary, laughing as he retrieved Squirtle with a nearby fishing pole. "He pinched, squeezed, and otherwise poked and prodded my butt for the whole time he was hiding!" shouted Misty. "What is he, perverted?" "Yes," said Gary. "Yes," said Ash. "Yes," said Pikachu. "No- I mean yes," said Squirtle. "You bastard! You're scoring more than me, dammit!" whined Ash. This time, both Pikachu and Squirtle flipped him off. "You're all pathetic," said Misty. "No, just horny," said Gary. "Same difference," said Misty. "But what the Hell. I'll come with you if you get me a new bike." "Yeah, put some clothes on," said Pikachu. "Shove it, dumbass, we like it like that," said Ash. Pikachu flipped him off but nodded in agreement.  
  
Misty just shook her head, but got in the Ferrari all the same. She had on a two-piece swimming suit, but that was all. It took the combined strength of both Pikachu and Ash to restrain Squirtle from licking her body.  
  
"Keep me away from that turtle, he looks like he's about to blow," said Misty. "He is," said Ash, snickering. "You dirty prick," said Misty, slapping his arm. Ash's face lit up and he stared at the spot where Misty slapped him for a good ten minutes or so.  
  
Unfortunately, this made Ash loosen his grip on Squirtle. And since Poor Pikachu was unable to hold onto Squirtle by himself (despite the immense strength of its middle fingers), Squirtle broke free of Pikachu's grasp as well. Then . . . all Hell broke loose.  
  
"Wha-"started Misty, but she was silenced by a ravaging Squirtle. "Stop the damn car Gary! Squirtle's trespassing on my private property!" shouted Ash.  
  
Gary swerved the Ferrari to a halt outside the city limits of Viridian, and turned around to help Misty unlatch Squirtle from her mid- section. But Misty needed no help, all she needed was a stopped car. She reared back her free hand and gave Squirtle the biggest bitch-slap in all of history.  
  
It was so big, in fact, that Squirtle ended up in another tree, this time a taller one. Normally it wouldn't have meant anything, but when the said tree is on the other side of Viridian City, we're talking about a pretty serious red mark.  
  
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn," said Gary. "It'll be feeling that to its death." "My turn to score!" said Ash. "You do, and I'll personally see to it, that you'll be seeing what your insides look like through your ass," said Misty, rearing back her hand. "On second thought . . ." said Ash. "Maybe I'll just fuck Nurse Joy." "That slut?" asked Misty. "Changed your mind then?" asked Ash hopefully. "We'll see," said Misty.  
Ash rubbed his hands together gleefully, and then offered her a bong, which she politely refused.  
  
"I'm gonna score asshole!" Yelled Ash to Squirtle, clear across town. "Shaddup!" shouted Squirtle. "You fuck your mama for pay!" "Really Ash?" said Gary, smirking. "I didn't know you were that desperate. I mean, I thought you were peeking your toe over the line when you hooked up with that lawyer from Saffron . . ." "Naw, yo' mama! Haaaaaa! Hahahah! Haaaaa!" laughed Ash. Pikachu just flipped them off. 


	4. City Life

Chapter 4: City Life 

The Ferrari, deemed "pimp-mobile" by Squirtle, streaked into the city, and screeched to a halt in front of the Poke'mon center. Squirtle had managed to fall out of the tree, and had met the pimp-mobile outside of the Poke'mon Center. Ash, Gary, and Squirtle put on their shades, and stepped out of the car.

Ash, feeling like a gentleman, opened the door for Misty, who thanked him and stepped out of the car. Pikachu hopped down, and flipped off one of the rear tires. Gary, checking to see that they were all ready, led the group. But they weren't going to the local Poke'mon center.

Gary turned them away and they went towards the Poke'mon House, a former battle arena, now town bar.

"Why are we going there? Don't we need to go to the Poke'mon Center to heal our Poke'mon?" asked Misty.

"Screw that!" said Squirtle, tapping its shades down so it could see Misty. "That makes me look like a wuss. Besides, the only reason I'd go there now is so that hot chick behind the counter could pick me up." Misty just shook her head while Gary nodded his approval.

They finally reached the bar. Pikachu flipped off the sign hanging from the door, and with good reason. It read:

**No Loose Poke'mon allowed inside**

No Minors

Because of this, Gary, Ash, and even Misty joined Pikachu in flipping off the sign. Then, Pikachu ushered everybody back. He then did his little vertical wave good-bye, and flip off, and then shot the door off with Thunder. It flew onto the roof of a nearby house, and all the people inside the bar grew quiet.

Only one thought went through the peoples' minds: "This was one bad-ass Pikachu." Ash, Misty, Gary, Squirtle, and Pikachu swaggered into the bar, trying to look cool. As soon as Pikachu got fed up with all the stares, and did his little wave again, people either started talking Gibberish or fell off their chairs. Pikachu flipped them off for all to see, and then led the way up to the bar itself.

"A glass each of your finest for my road-weary friends here," said Ash to the bartender.

Not wanting to piss off his Pikachu, the bartender compiled without question, and went to get the drinks. Misty picked Squirtle up and put him onto a stool, while Squirtle grinned. Pikachu hopped up onto a stool by himself, and Ash, Gary, and Misty were soon to follow.

"Is anyone hungry?" asked Gary.

"Me," said everyone else. Gary, being rich enough to buy his own Ferrari, asked the bartender for a pizza-sized platter of cheesy steak fries, as tall "as a Tauros's pile of shit", described Ash. The bartender shook his head, but went to get the order all the same.

"Dude, I'm fucking stoned," said Ash, swiveling on the spot.

"Stuffed, Ash, you're stuffed," corrected Misty.

"That too," said Ash, passing out.

"Oh, Jesus Mary Mother o' Christ," said Misty. "Help me pick him up."

"I'll help you in case you fall," said Squirtle hopefully.

"Nice try, but the only way you'll ever touch my ass is if I need a cushion to sit on," replied Misty, picking Ash up.

"Damn," said Squirtle.

Misty carried Ash to the car, and set him in the back seat. Ash woke up as soon as his head hit the leather, and he sat bolt upright.

"Nice rack," he muttered. "Can I set my bongs on it?"

"Thank you, and no," said Misty.

"Am I stoned?" asked Ash.

"Yeah," said Gary.

"Weird!" said Ash. "I only smoked one joint."

"Yeah, but you were seeing seven of us by the time you got done with your fifth vodka," said Misty.

"Oh, my bad," said Ash.

All of a sudden, Pidgey popped out its Poke'ball, and, from Ash's point of view, began to peck his balls. Ash's eyes went wide, his mouth formed an "O", and he screamed as loud as he could, which scared Pidgey back into its Poke'ball.

"My nuts! Oh god, my nuts! I'm awake! I'm sober! Owwwwwww!" wailed Ash, holding his crotch. "That fucking Pidgey! I'm gonna stuff its head into the nearest power station, and use its beak for a toothpick! Oh fuck! It hurts. I think I'm bleeding."

"Ash . . . Pidgey got your knee, not your balls," said Gary simply.

Ash looked down. "Oops," he said, giggling. "Must've been a cramp. My bad."

"Balls? The ones on your belt that are red and white?" said Squirtle, chortling.

"Fuck off, man-whore, I've scored more than you!" snapped Ash, starting to cry.

"He's still stoned," said Misty. "Come on Gary. Let's go back to the Poke'mon center so he can sleep it off."

"Good idea," said Gary. "And keep him away from Nurse Joy. He'll start sleep-fucking her."

"Bullshit, I'm going to the police station. I want Jenny," slurred Ash. "Right after I get done with you, Misty," he added.

"In your dreams," said Misty.

"That too," said Ash. "You promised, though."

"In your dreams!" she snapped.

"Oooh yeah," said Ash, looking disappointed. Then, he muttered to himself, "Bullshit. You know you want me." Misty finally chuckled and shook her head. Then they went into the center.


	5. Sleeping off more than the crack

Chapter 5: Sleeping Off more than the Crack 

After getting their room keys, Ash ran to the bathroom to puke up all the beer he drank. After he was done hurling, and after he felt like someone had twisted his gut and left it out to dry, he got himself a milkshake and went to his room to sleep off the booze.

He didn't know were Pikachu went, 'cause he knows Pikachu can make a juggernaut scream for his mommy just by flipping him off and waving good-bye. So he let Pikachu be.

"I'll bone Misty, sooner or later," said Ash as he entered the room. Just in case his luck was bad though, he brought out his bottle of lotion. Better to be prepared.

"That may be sooner than you think Ash," said a feminine voice behind him that was Misty's. "I would have said yes to you earlier, but I don't wan Squirtle to spy on us."

Ash's eyes grew as large as dinner plates. "I'm gonna bone Misty," said Ash in a high pitched voice.

You can figure out what happens next, I don't want to repeat what already happened in your little brains. All I'm gonna tell you is that any skin touched turned red and Ash was goggly-eyed at the end

Ash woke next to Misty. He knew it wasn't love, but the feel of her next to him just made him . . . well . . . horny all over again. To stop himself from getting too out of hand, he quickly got up and got dressed.

Misty woke up soon enough and put on her stuff. This was good timing too, as Gary and Pikachu Barged in the door.

"Good morning, Pikachu," mumbled Ash. Pikachu just flipped him off, and, noticing Misty, her too.

"Good morning, Ash my man," said Gary cheerily, slapping Ash hard on the back, who nearly went stumbling into Misty. "Oh, hey babe," added Gary to Misty.

"Hello," she replied.

"Wait a minute . . . If you're in both in here, and you just got up, then that means . . . oh my GOD ASH, YOU SCORED!"

"I SCORED!" roared Ash.

They proceeded to hi-five, smack chests, and palm each other in all forms, dancing goofily, and flailing their arms, while Misty watched, half in amusement, half anger. Pikachu flipped off the condom box on Ash's bedside table.

Then, all of a sudden, Squirtle barged into the room. He was actually pulling a Pikachu, flipping off everything and everyone in sight.

"Hey little perverted pal, why the long face?" said Gary.

"I waited and waited in Misty's room for her, and she didn't show up," said Squirtle through its teeth.

"What!" said Misty. "You thought . . . Eeeew!"

"Oh, oh, oh!" said Ash frantically, thinking of something to really get to Squirtle. "What has four legs and will piss you off hardcore? Ash and Misty gettin' jiggy with it!" screamed Ash.

"**WHAT!**" yelled Squirtle.

"**BURN!**" shouted Pikachu, laughing, and flipping Squirtle off. "Squirtle, there's some ice in to bar for that **BURN!**"

"**SHUTUP PENIS BREATH!**" yelled Squirtle as he ran to a corner to cry.


	6. Ash's First Battle

We're sorry for not updating in such a long time, we haven't attempted to find our groove inawhile. But here it is: fresh off the press-- the long-awaited sixth chapter of the Pokemon Story Nintendo didn't want you to see. Pokemon Uncut: the Uncut version continues.

_Signed: a crazy hobo & the co-author_

**Chapter 6: Ash's First Battles**

"Dude, Gary, your Poke'mon's a woman," Ash jeered. "Crying like a leaky faucet."

Gary nodded, and went over and smacked Squirtle on the head. "Shaddup, whiny bitch," he said.

"Don't hurt him!" Misty protested.

Ash smacked Misty on the back of the head. "Shaddup, bitch," he said. "I have the dick, so I make the rules."

"Where? I couldn't find it last night," Misty retorted.

"OOOOOOOH" Gary yelled. "Flamethrower burn!"

At this point, Pikachu did something seemingly perverted. It walked up to Ash, stood on tiptoe, and peered intently at his crotch. It began to touch Ash, who by this time was getting very nervous. Why was Pikachu acting gay? Pikachu continued to poke and prod Ash, and then turned around to the surprised faces of Gary and Misty. Then it shrugged, flipped Ash off, and socked him in the balls.

"Hey, fuck you!" cried Ash. "And your couch!"

"Why do you want to fuck a couch Ash?" mocked Gary.

"Because-" Misty cut Ash off.

"He's an idiot, so don't question his lack of IQ."

"Yeah don't question my-" Ash shut up when he realized that he was burned again.

Pikachu continued to sit in the background, stretching his angry finger.

He hadn't expected the punch to hurt so bad, but for some reason, all his knuckles were flaming sore. Maybe Ash really DID have nothing there, and Pikachu punched bone.

"Uhhh . . . my balls . . . my balls." Ash whined.

"Dude, shut the fuck up. In your case, the pain is all in your mind," Gary said. "You want real pain? Try fucking a cheerleader who doesn't know what she's doing and thinks your dick is a lollipop."

"Uh . . . why? Lollipops are licked, caressed and sucked on all the time," Squirtle said, puzzled.

"Don't forget the chocolate in the middle. You have to bite the thing for that," Gary reminded him.

"OH FUCK!" Squirtle shouted, rolling on the floor.

"Can we change the subject, please?" Misty requested. "I know who you're talking about. She's a bitch."

All of a sudden, there was a blast within the Pokemon center. The group spun around to find three figures standing before them in gay ass tights. One was a girl with a skirt so short it seemed nonexistent, the second one was a Meowth, and the third……well he's just gotta be gay.

"Oh wow, that guy with the Pikachu is HOT!" chirped the gay dude.

"Bwuahahahahahahahahahahahaha," laughed Gary. "At least someone thinks so Ash!"

"Shut up!" cried Ash. "You, gay guy with the rose……..EAT ME!"

"YAY!" replied the gay guy with excitement.

"Shut up bitch!" demanded the girl with…..an extremely small skirt.

The Meowth looked at Misty with wide eyes, and drool pouring out of his mouth, "MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK!"

Squirtle and Ash quickly got in-between Misty and Meowth, with their arms folded.

Both shouted with anger, "SHE'S MINE ASS HOLE!"

"What do YOU mean by mine?" demanded Squirtle.

"No no no, what do YOU mean?" retorted Ash.

Misty cleared her throat, "I belong to the one with the micro-dick."

"Well, I know she's not mine," laughed Gary.

While Squirtle and Ash bickered, Meowth bolted for Misty's leg and began to hump it. Pikachu's only response was flipping off the entire group.

"Get back here you horny feline fuck!" the girl yelled. "We need to do our motto."

"To display our talents of masturbation!" Jessie yelled.

"To unite all those who have castration!" James cheered in a high-pitched faggoty voice.

"To denounce the evils of seventy kinds of happy pills!" Jessie said.

"To extend the reach of our Wills!" James crowed, banging his crotch.

"Jessie!"

"James!"

"Ow!" Meowth shouted.

"Team Rocket, ready and raring to blow and suck!" Jessie shouted.

"So, surrender now or prepare to fuck, fuck, fuck!"

Meowth chimed in lamely from up Misty's skirt. "Meowth! I'm stuck!"

"PIKACHU! Bong me!" Ash yelled, wasting no time.

Pikachu acted without delay. The new shipment arrived yesterday, and the hemp was fresh. Pikachu sparked a bong alight, tossed it to Ash. Ash took a long draw off the bong. He continued to draw and draw, until there was nothing left on the bong.

"What the Hell?" Pikachu said.

"Dude, do your wave goodbye and shocky-thingie now," Ash said. "It just looks a lot fucking cooler when I'm stoned off my ass."

Pikachu shrugged his shoulders, used his mighty angry finger, and began to charge a blast of epic proportions.

"Oh, you are so sexy when you're stoned Ash!" squeaked James, rubbing his nipples.

"Oh Christ!" shouted Gary in disgust. "Pikachu, just shock their asses and be done with it!"

"Wait! Wait! Get me outta here!" Meowth yelled.

"Fuck this shit," Misty said. "This just proves it: cats are bitches." She yanked Meowth out from under her skirt. "Practice on the skank with the short skirt, THEN come talk to me," she added. "Even Ash is better than you."

"YES! I'M KING OF THE WORLD!" Ash yelled, finishing his second bong.

Pikachu rolled his eyes, and finally shocked Team Dildo- I mean Rocket into submission with a thunderous blast of……pain.

"TEAM ROCKET'S JERKING OFF AGAIN!" the three screamed as they blasted off.


End file.
